A Love Too Deep
by angeliclin
Summary: One event changed the relationship in more ways than one between two best friends.


A.N. - I want to say a special thank you to my friend, Ria, for helping me reword parts of it. Thanks Kay for the "superb" title suggestion. I also want to thank others for encouraging me to post the story: Kat, Keyonna, Laura and Miranda. And last, but not least, another thank you goes out to those who took the time to read and review this story. You guys are the best. I can never convey how much I enjoy reading your comments.  
  
A Love Too Deep  
  
The sunlight seeped through the window causing Lucas to wake to the sound of birds chirping. Looking down, he saw Haley lying comfortably on his lap. Her auburn hair was in a messy pile, covering a face of an angel. Pulling the tresses back, he kissed her forehead causing Haley to stir. Regretting waking sleeping beauty from her peaceful slumber, he tried to remain still, hoping she would once again dream. But the flutter of eyelashes, wings of a butterfly showed different. She was awake.  
  
Feeling a familiar kiss on her forehead, her eyes fluttered open to observe features of a man she had loved since eternity. "We must have fallen asleep during the movie," she silently detected. A momentum of thought drained as her eyes captured his, hazel eyes seeming to read through her walls.  
  
"Yeah we're making a habit of this. But who would mind waking up with you next to them?" He answered acknowledging the notion gone unsaid.  
  
"Mmmm . . . you're not so bad either. So what do you want to do today?" Haley squirmed from his lap and landed comfortably on the couch; its large arms enveloping her in a hug.  
  
"What do you say to a day at the beach? You know I'm up for any excuse to get you in a bathing suit." His quick smirk played upon his lips neglecting the frigid temperature her body encompassed.  
  
She looked down, trying to perceive the belief he had said such a thing. At the same time she trembled, her fear coming back in wide waves of terror. "Doesn't he remember? Does he not realize what he's asking of me?" her mind boggled over every question speechlessly. As much as she loved Lucas, she couldn't – she wouldn't go through the horror of that ordeal again. Not even for him.  
  
Hesitations crossing her face he finally locked into her emotions feeling the swell of the water contain him. Confusion. So many questions as he wondered noiselessly, "Did I say something I shouldn't have?" And then the realization of what he had said dawned on him. He couldn't believe what a fool he was. Lucas was able to forget the moment, but she was different. It was a tattoo drilled into her skin – forever.  
  
"I'm sorry Hales. I can't believe I asked you that question."  
  
"Don't worry about it. I'm fine." But that was a lie, one of the few he ever witnessed her tell him. Haley's quiet disposition and failure to connect pupils made it obvious that Haley was trying to be 'the brave soldier.' The one who battled in dugouts and heard screams as people fell to Earth in sobs; a soldier who held pictures of the tragedies, the deaths taken on forbidden territory. She wanted to be a warrior to her fear.  
  
Yet as much as she tried to keep the mask up, to conceal all her hidden turmoil it wouldn't work. Lucas was able to knock down her walls, tear out the windows and make keys just by touching her skin. In a way she was a book; and he a scriber going beyond the surface and reading between the lines. Lines which were unclear; undeveloped, faded out to others eyes.  
  
Suddenly the sun dimmed into an ugly glow leaving shadows of the night they had tried so hard to forget. He could see her face screen the thought – fall into the nightmare of a reality so long ago. Lucas wanted to touch her, to pull her from the tantalizing fingers of the reminiscence. But he couldn't, left along the sidelines to pray she would forget.  
  
Slowly, he moved towards her. Watching for any signs of Haley retreating - avoidance to confront what had kidnapped the adventurous nature. The days of Haley and Lucas against the world were dwindling in number as he battled to be let into her world. To feel her emotions, and help her through the dark land she had fallen in. The open relationship they used to share was gone. Only light conversations held them together, let them stay friends.  
  
Having never experienced such a horrific event, he never fully understood how one could let something drastically change a person. He longed to hold her.  
  
Instead he was shoved to the side to watch the unbearable pain of the person who once gave the dictionary its meaning. Carefree, open minded, intelligent. A butterfly once free reversed back to a cocoon wrapped so tight she can hardly breathe. When the time came for dormancy to end; for the sharing of inner beauty to begin- what would become of her? A beauty so unique and magical transformed until extinct. Gone.  
  
Time withdrew to seconds as it paused ready to bear the moment he spoke. Gathering courage he lifted his hand placing it softly over hers. "Hales I'm concerned about you," startled she withdrew her hand tucking itself in the pocket of her pants.  
  
Shame for pulling back from him, empty for not being able to fill the hole the accident had drilled into her. Broken – unfixable.  
  
Her train of thought was derailed as his inhaling breaths murmured to her ear, "I'm concerned . . . God look at what you've become." Instantly her blood turned a crimson flame uniting into a fire of fall leaves. He had hit the nerve.  
  
"Luke...don't...please...not now," she pleaded, begging him not to bring up the very thing that haunted her.  
  
Lucas pulled her into an embrace locking her in his arms trying to save the past and smother the future. He wanted the joyful and more life like friend. "Haley you need to confront the past because it's holding you back from the present – our future." Even as he said it his throat choked.  
  
Yanking herself from his arms, she forcefully got up. "How dare you say I look any different. It's you!" Turning she ran from the suffocating room breathing out the disease killing pain. It was eating at her heart, drowning her from the inside out. She needed to break free; away from facing him; the only person who could make her reveal things she wasn't ready to.  
  
Fighting the urge to run after her, he watched in silent misery as he sat motionless. The small hope he had of helping her was diminishing, like the adolescent he no longer recognized. He had to make the hardest decision he ever had to make. Should he confront her once more and risk losing her or watch her crumble like a leaf that wilted?  
  
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Days drew on as neither made a move to confront the other, both saving pride. Staring longingly with red sleepless eyes at the other, wanting to be close to feeling the intake of the same air. However the facts won out and no motions were made.  
  
Unable to leave things alone for any longer, Lucas went to Haley's house on a rainy Saturday evening. Walking straight to the room that was like his second home, he opened the door, jaw dropping at the vision before him.  
  
Glancing she was met with hazel eyes, entranced as they sucked in her outside image. She blushed feeling the heat of his pupils memorizing the image. Natural beauty, that had been how he put it. Pulse raising, hot but unknowing. Hesitating she pulled down her blue tee over top her white undergarment. Taking any ounce she could muster for anger she spoke, "Lucas...what are you doing here of all places?"  
  
"Well I thought that was obvious. I waited outside until I knew you were changing and decided to walk right in." Lucas couldn't help but make light of the situation, one of the few they shared recently.  
  
"Is that why you're soaking wet?" biting her lip to stop her smile from forming. She missed the bantering between them. "Maybe if I keep this up, he'll forget the real reason he stopped by," thought Haley.  
  
"If my girlfriend gives me a kiss, I'll let her know," Lucas winked at her. Inwardly he was shivering from the nervousness, and partly because of the cold. Standing outside her house for almost an hour, he had paced nervously, contemplating about the best way to confront the difficult topic.  
  
"I guess I can give my boyfriend a kiss." Leaning in, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek.  
  
"You call that a kiss?" Lucas shook his head, disappointed.  
  
"You never clarified what type of kiss."  
  
"Well I'll clarify it now. How about the type of kiss I gave you after I realized that I was in love you?" Lucas waited nervously for her response, knowing fully well that she may once again run from him as he broached the topic.  
  
Terror struck her as she remembered the bittersweet day, memories rushing back to her, causing her to shake compulsively. A blood-curdling scream escaped her lips. Losing all her strength, her knees became weak as she crumbled to the ground. Luckily, Lucas caught her, gently placing her on the bed.  
  
The scorching heat caused Lucas and Haley to seek relief by swimming at Lucas' neighbors' house. They were out of town for that weekend, but gave Lucas an open invitation to swim at their house whenever he wanted. Taking Haley with him, they bathed in the cool, refreshing water, enjoying their day off from school.  
  
Haley was lying back on the floating tube, her hands skimming the fluid. Seeing this as a perfect opportunity to surprise Haley, Lucas somersaulted into the water, creating a gigantic splash thus soaking the dry person on the floating device.  
  
"LUKE – you're so dead!" Haley screamed swinging her legs into the water preparing her for revenge. The determination drew in her eyes as she watched Lucas pull himself from the water and smirk.  
  
"Umm . . . Haley, I'll be right back. I'm going to get us a drink."  
  
Before Haley was able to answer, she saw Lucas heading to his house. "Don't think that getting me a drink makes everything even," Haley screamed, making sure Lucas was prepared to battle. Swimming back to the tube, she let her fingers drag over the weight it held. Something was missing. Looking down she noticed that her necklace, the one Lucas gave her the Christmas before was gone.  
  
Panic seized her as she scanned the area searching for the flicker of gold. The clear water wavered giving notice to the glimmer below it. It was at the bottom. "Damn it! It must have fallen into the water when I flipped off the tube," she said quietly. Determined to reach it she dived in sucking a breath before dropping into the water.  
  
Unable to stay down long she resurfaced taking in a gulp of fresh air before plunging back in. Swimming rapidly to the bottom, the liquid entered her eyes burning the iris's causing her to close into the darkness. Downwards –downwards - - -downwards - - - - -downwards to the depths of the pool trailing her hands out to catch it. Suddenly everything went black as her head hit the bottom sending her eyes to flap open and immerse themselves in the red liquid seeping from her gash. Skin deep rose as her mind fleeted and she felt everything dim.  
  
After a few minutes of being absent, Lucas returned to find Haley's body floating motionlessly. Panicking, he jumped into the water. He reached her to find her lips were ice blue and her face was pale. Not letting himself think of the possibility that Haley was dead, he wrapped an arm around her and swam backwards. Towards the shallow end of the pool he picked her from the water, carefully laying her down on the side. Screaming for help he felt the water of the fright sink him, his throat jarring in loss of breath. Starting CPR, his heart felt like it was about to explode, as if he was the one suffocating. He couldn't loose her.  
  
Without losing precious time or momentum, he began to think back to what he learned from the CPR class he took a few months ago. ABC. A stood for airway. Opening her mouth, no object obstructed her airway. B. Breathe. Checking her pulse, and feeling none, he pinched her nose, breathing two warm breaths into her cold mouth. He placed his hands on her chest, giving her chest compressions as he once again tried to scream for help but to no avail he counted in his head the number of compressions. 1-2-3-4-5-6- 7...he tried to calm himself, knowing that it wouldn't help the situation...8- 9-10-11-12-13-14-15. Once again he repeated the breathing and circulation process. Upon seeing no change, he continued the process again. Hearing choking sounds, he tilted her frail body to the side, as she spit out water. Relief washed over him as he saw her reviving in front of him.  
  
Devil struck her eyes flashed open, terrified at what she had seen. Death; her life flashing before her eyes, visions of the world and how she had fit into it. The she felt his hands adjust her potato sack of a body to sit up and the crack of his voice in her ear, "God you had me so worried, are you okay?"  
  
Not able to fully catch her breath, she slowly shook her head up and down. Seeing the horrid still in her eyes, he lifted her up. Instinctively her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as she cuddled him, fearful of letting him go, as she carried her to his house, her second home. Moving towards his bedroom, he felt her body press closer to his, making it hard for him to breath. He gently set her on his full size bed as Haley reluctantly let go. He opened a drawer, pulling out a t-shirt and sweat pants, handing them to Haley, then moved towards the door. "Luke---please don't leave me," Haley cried in desperation. Lucas closed the door and stood next to her, turning his body around so she could change.  
  
"Hales...I'm so sorry that this happened...I...I...I shou-" he apologized, staring at various pictures of him and his best friend. There were no excuses for not being able to take care of her. He failed her. When she needed him the most, he wasn't there for her. The promise of friendship could have died because of him.  
  
"It's..not..not your fault," she answered honestly, berating herself for her stupidity of swimming with her eyes closed.  
  
"Yes it was. I left you alone. I can't believe I was being a selfish coward. I-" he was interrupted by a petite hand placed on his wrist.  
  
Turning around, he saw the panic still evident in her face. He was the sole cause and it hurt. Lucas' sudden realizations finally dwelled upon him, letting everything fall into place. The confused, conflicting, arrival of a package had been delivered two months to the day – the day he fell in love with his best friend. Pointless to deny, especially after this. Having almost lost her and the chance to show her how much he loved her. Taking her hand in his, he pulled it up to his face rubbing the delicate skin on his cheek. Then bringing it down to his lips he kissed her wrist tenderly, affectionately.  
  
Haley felt electricity penetrating her body, reviving her. Unsure by what this gesture meant, she stared into Lucas' eyes. Trying to read his emotions, only to find joy in what she saw. He loved her. He was in love with her. Her whole world was once again spinning, but this time, from pure bliss. Although she was still shaken up by what happened, she knew that Lucas would always be there to comfort her. He was her hero, her everything.  
  
Drowning once in water she now felt submerged in devotion.  
  
Finally being able to follow her heart, she placed her free hand on his cheek. Lucas closed his eyes from her blazing touch. He felt the intense heat as she skimmed his face. Opening his eyes, a playful smile appeared on his lips, as he saw her eyes cast downward, licking her lips in anticipation. They remained silent for a moment, in utter realization that their friendship may be taken to the next level. One simple move would change everything; throw their relationship into an unexplored territory. Both slightly hesitant to do so, but fearing what would be lost if they didn't, moved cautiously towards one another. Waiting for the possibility of the other to pull back. When neither did, they continued to inch closer until their lips connected.  
  
They kissed each other frantically as if it would be their first and last kiss. Haley drank his passionate kisses, hoping to forget what has brought them to this point, not wanting to be pulled back into reality. Sensing her need, he continued to capture her lips, trying to absorb her fear and terror, but knowing fully well he was unable to do so. Dropping his hand to her waist, he pulled her closer until she was molded perfectly against him, continuing to kiss her hungrily. Suffering from the lack of oxygen, they broke their kiss, panting to capture the needed supply of air.  
  
Lucas placed a hand on Haley's swollen lips, whispering, "Sorry." Understanding that he was not only sorry about bruising her, she nodded her head. Her throbbing head reminded her of what could have happened. Closing her eyes, she tried to erase the memory, repress it to the back of her mind, but couldn't. Not wanting to relieve or rehash the experience, she took out her mask, playing the role of the brave soldier. The first time on the battle field, the first time of many to come.  
  
This time, it wouldn't hide her feelings for her eternal friend, but for... Not completing her thought, she placed a smile on her lips, throwing her arms around his broad shoulders as she stood on her toes, bringing her lips to his once more, lips that would make her forget, if only momentarily.  
  
Lucas patted Haley's face trying to wake her up. "Haley, Haley, Hales, wake up. Please wake up."  
  
"Luke... Lucas, Luke, honey." Lucas' eyes slowly fluttered opened. "Luke, get up."  
  
A fuzzy image of Haley woke him as tried to see clearly. Closing his eyes, rubbing them, he opened them to find another brunette in front of him. "Honey, I was so worried about you." Although she gave a half-smile, her eyes revealed pity and sympathy. He frowned in dire need of a break from her stare.  
  
"Where, where am I?" Lucas questioned, looking around perplexed. "Mom, where's Haley? Where is she mom?" He grabbed his mother's arm, feeling her tense at his hold. Worry creased the wrinkles as her face turned into a puzzle of emotion.  
  
Helping him sit up, she pulled him into a tight hug, "Oh sweetheart. You can't do this to yourself."  
  
"What do you mean mom?" Lucas pulled away from his mother's embrace.  
  
"Luke – Haley's...Haley's..."  
  
"What mom? Tell me. Where did she go?" Furiously, he searched for any signs of her being around him. For the moment to pass, the nightmare to fall below the waves.  
  
"Lucas honey, she..she.." she couldn't bring herself to utter the words. Her eyes averted to the ground.  
  
Following her gaze, he fell upon the image that shattered any grasp on Earth he had. Tarring his hands from his mothers he stood shaking as his knees gave out and he plummeted onto the carpet bawling as tears cascaded down his cheeks. "No, it can't be. No. No. No. No," he repeated as if his words would change reality. "I have to be dreaming mom, tell me I'm dreaming." The numbness he had felt when awoken quickly changed to anguish capturing his muscles in evil twists of pain.  
  
Reaching up his hands felt the crisp white paper under his thumb. How the black ink ran when his tears touched it. The sensation of reading the words out loud, "Haley James, January 21st, 1986 to June 12th 2004. She graced us with a presence that will truly be missed." His hand clamped against the paper as he turned to meet his mothers wondering gaze.  
  
"Wake me up mom," he said simply.  
  
Letting him come to her she felt his clumsy body land into a hug, squeezing the demons of the room away. Her son had been wandering in the rain too long, drowning in the ocean and finally she hoped; one day he would wash ashore.  
  
"But I just saw her mom. She was on my bed. I was just talking to her. Remember? I saved her. I saved her. She's alive. Alive." It was sore from crying, as he dug his head into her shoulder blade. "Mom, this has to be a dream."  
  
She shook her head. Ms. Roe silently placed a hand on his back patting as if he were a baby, "A dream sweetheart that you woke out of to finally see the truth."  
  
"No," he whimpered, "Wake me up from this nightmare, please?"  
  
"I can't sweetheart, it's impossible." Clenching his jaw he felt his fingers latch onto the only memory of her he had. A locket, soft gold and inside either side filled with two pictures, each one carrying something he had lost. A friend – a could be lover – a soul mate. Letting his lips trail over the inscription of those exact words he clicked it shut, "One day mom I will be able to wake up, one day."  
  
Quietly his mother stood letting him cuddle himself on the bed, wrapping his arms around his knees in a fetal position. "I'm sorry," he said as she left the room, "So sorry Haley . . ." 


End file.
